Just Like Breathing
by Michele-bell
Summary: Axel cocked his head to the side, suspecting that something was up. “Did you develop a stutter while I was gone? There were no Heartless in the area I was scouting. Told you it’s a bad idea to split up. They like you, man.” non-AU. Akuroku. Oneshot.


**Author's Note: **Dude this totally feels longer than 3,700 words, what the heck! Anyways, I'm alive. I finally finished something. I'm so sorry guys. College was hell. I'm not going to be going to the same one anymore and I'm home now. I hope I'm able to finish a lot of stuff for you guys. I'm still hysterically obsessed with Akuroku. Just not _as _enthusiastic about writing anymore. Sugar and Spice chapter 8 is in the works and over halfway done. I just got past a slight block in it and I have to re-work where the story is going. And Sara - I have not abandoned yours! It needs one more scene. I will finish, I just need the right dark, epic mood, heh. This one was just calling to me and I needed to finish it.

So this? I don't know where it came from. I was waiting for chem lab at my college to start and suddenly the beginning like popped into my head. I was listening to the Hush Sound and originally I was going to call this "A Dark Congregation" after the song by them but only one line in it really inspired this and the rest has nothing to do with it. I guess you could say this is my interpretation of the whole "Nobody" thing, as I've slowly come to understand it. Many thanks to **uruwashii uso** for getting me so into non-AU Axel and Roxas again and for encouraging me on this story and helping me since I was kind of stuck. ILU, my Axel! And I have to mention **Sowing Poppies** for being constant inspiration for anything serious that I write. I'm so terribly sorry about your laptop crashing, darling. The fact that I will never be able to read what you were working on breaks my heart. Please don't get discouraged and continue to write things that break it even more, please.

I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors. Feel free to point them out to me without being harsh. I didn't bother my beta with this, she's busy and best of luck to her with everything :)

Reviews keep me going. If you're confused in the beginning, it will be explained. I hope.

**Warning: **PROOF THAT I CAN WRITE SERIOUS SHIT LOL. Maybe. (-is afraid of posting this-) Mentions of specific Heartless and you may need to look them up on wikipedia if you don't remember them (all are in the world mentioned and in KH2). Language, suggestive, bordering on mature but I think it's safe to put it on teen. Let's so if you guys can handle it ;p Oh and slight Rokuaku, oh noes.

**Disclaimer: **HAHAHA NO. They own me.

**Just Like Breathing**

* * *

As Roxas watched his breath rise in the cold, he thought that it somewhat gave the illusion that he was just a normal person. With blood pumping through his veins due to a heart, carrying oxygen throughout his body and back out again, warm, moist and visible in freezing air. And perhaps nobody would have known any better if it wasn't for his black leather cloak that gave him away as just that – a Nobody. A member of Organization Thirteen.

He blew out a breath again; it curled into the air as if part of his non-soul was escaping him before it spread out and disappeared. Then he drew his keyblades.

Among the Heartless, there were two Assault Riders along with a group of Rapid Thrusters and some Shadows in the snowy clearing. It was the aforementioned that Roxas was concentrated on. The Assault Riders were equipped with an annoyingly long spear and if they weren't killed quickly enough, they would explode all over the place. But Roxas didn't really have to worry about being quick enough; Axel always told him his speed was impressive. Someone else once told him that he was quicker even than his Somebody, Sora, though he couldn't remember who. His memory wasn't exactly the best.

As he fought them, slashing harshly with both Oblivion and Oathkeeper together, the cold air of the Land of Dragons bit his skin and made his eyes water. It didn't slow him down though. And he kind of liked this world, as much as a Nobody _could_ like something, anyway.

The Rapid Thrusters were too distracting, buzzing around his head like a swarm of wasps, pecking sporadically at him. Roxas stumbled to a halt in the snow and sliced them up with ease, but this gave the Assault Riders an opportunity. One came galloping up behind him, swinging his spear and smacking Roxas high up into the freezing air. The boy flew sideways and crashed down hard onto the ice of the pond fifteen feet away. He yelped and skidded against it, the smooth layer defiantly scraping and cutting up his skin as he went, until he gradually came to a stop. Wincing, Roxas raised himself up on his elbows, only to have them slip and his head smacked against the ice once more. Once he was able to right himself and he stood with a pained groan, he saw that the Heartless were practically already upon him.

"Fuck," he cursed aloud as he summoned his keyblades again, just in time to block a spear aimed at his face. The force caused him to slide backwards and his boots weren't aiding his feet in keeping purchase. The Heartless were swarming around him now, but this definitely wasn't the best terrain to fight them on. Tripping almost the whole time, Roxas ran to the side to get to land again, cutting himself a path through the Heartless. He was only a few feet away when his foot broke through a thin patch in the ice and his whole body fell through.

Instant darkness and a cold he never knew enveloped him as water flooded his mouth, drowning out his startled gasp. As his body plunged down into the water, futilely Roxas reached and reached for the surface with flailing arms, eyes wide with shock. His long cloak had flipped upwards from the plunge, leaving his torso bare while the rest of the leather he was wearing weighed him down considerably. Finally when the resistance of the water cancelled out the gravity, Roxas kicked his way to the surface, bursting through, gasping and completely soaked in freezing water. He scrambled and tried to crawl out but his wet gloves couldn't get a good grip and the ice continued to break away. The air meeting his soaking form bit even harsher now as it began slowly freezing the layer of water on his body. As his arms repeatedly clambered to pull him out, Roxas glanced behind himself to see the Heartless moving towards him curiously, relentless.

Roxas straightened a shaking arm, summoning Oblivion with almost all of his strength and slamming it down into the ice, wedging it in. Grasping it tightly he slowly dragged himself out, taking turns with each hand to pull himself up the length of it. The blond choked down a whimper and he panted and stared at the ice below him, water at temperatures below zero Celsius dripping down from his sopping wet hair. His skin seemed to constrict in the cold and his clothes clung to him mercilessly. Crawling over with all the strength he could muster, he collapsed behind a rock in the snow, breath coming out in short, strangled puffs. The good thing about Heartless was that they were also brainless and it would take them a while to find him again. Though they really weren't the biggest concern at the moment, since his body was now fighting the cold by shivering uncontrollably.

Roxas held a hand out to summon a portal but he was trembling so much that the darkness would not expand more than a foot's width before shriveling up into itself again. He stood and whipped his head around for a place to find shelter, already his hair was freezing into stiff, matted-down spikes. There was a cave not too far away and Roxas began to trudge towards it with much difficulty, stumbling seeing as his boots were still retaining water. He could only hope that there were no Heartless in there and that the protection against the wind would be enough.

"I fucking hate this world," a familiar voice suddenly announced loudly from behind him, almost as bitter as the freezing weather.

Spinning around in surprise, Roxas saw his partner, Axel, kicking at a pile of snow. The remnants of his portal curled away until, like their breath in the cold, it was gone.

"A-A-Axel, sh-shit, what are you-you doing here?" Roxas croaked through chattering teeth.

The man was about twenty feet away and obviously didn't notice Roxas was dripping wet yet. But he cocked his head to the side, suspecting that something was up. "Did you develop a stutter while I was gone? There were no Heartless in the area I was scouting. Told you it's a bad idea to split up. They like you, man."

The redhead continued to draw closer and Roxas glanced around as his body trembled, as if looking for some way to escape. He didn't want Axel to see how clumsy he'd been – it was beyond embarrassing for him.

"What were you doing, running away from them?" Axel asked as he got closer – and closer, "I mean, knowing you, of course not but that's what it looks like – Whoa, what _happened_ to you?"

And now Axel was close enough to see Roxas' spasmodic shudders and the water dripping from his hair and clothes, mouth falling open in shock.

"I fe-fe-fell into the la-la-lake."

The redhead's features contorted for a moment; looking halfway like he wanted to laugh and halfway like he couldn't believe the sight he was seeing in front of him. Roxas turned his head stubbornly away. Perhaps heat would have risen to his cheeks if it weren't for the fact that he was freezing where he stood.

"Well shit, Roxas, we can't stay here," Axel said, cat-like eyes growing wide while he took another step forward. "Why didn't you try summoning a portal?"

Roxas raised his gaze to the other Nobody again, eyebrows drawn downwards underneath his stiff bangs. Refusing to admit that he _had _attempted to do so, he stated, "We c-can't abandon our m-m-mission, Axel."

The other was silent for a moment, but then placed a hand on his hip and let out a short laugh, ducking his head a little guiltily. Roxas only glared at him harder and crossed his arms over the front of his body in a vain attempt to keep in warmth. "What's so d-d-damn f-f-funny?"

Looking up warily, Axel admitted with caution, "You stuttering like that. It's…" He paused when a violent shiver jolted through Roxas' body. "Never mind. We need to go back. I don't care what Xemnas says. You'll turn into a statue out here, and then you'll be worthless to him. Plus he's a bastard for sending me here anyways." Holding out a hand, he generated those swirls of black and purple that would teleport them back and beckoned Roxas forward. The boy only stood and stared at it, panting and shivering. "Oh come on Rox, don't get all proud on me now. You'll freeze even faster seeing as you don't have a… Well, you know." His features softened from impatient to concerned and he offered his hand. "Come on."

Roxas attempted a scowl but his chattering teeth made it near impossible. Stepping forward, he brushed by Axel and disappeared into the portal, finding himself in his own room. It felt unbelievably warm compared to where he previously was and he almost let out a sigh of relief. A second later, Axel was right there behind him.

"Take off your cloak," he said.

"What?!" Roxas cried weakly, spinning around to stare at the man in disbelief.

Eyebrows shooting upwards, Roxas studied his friend's expression. It seemed the redhead hadn't thought of the implications of that statement because the skin underneath his tattoos turned a little pink and he quickly explained himself. "You, uh, can't stay in those clothes, Rox…"

Closing his mouth to swallow, Roxas gave a short nod and began to pull down the zipper of his cloak. He saw Axel glance away quickly, whether trying to be pointlessly polite or because he really did feel awkward in this situation, Roxas wasn't sure.

After discarding the heavy leather material to the side, Roxas sat down on his bed and bent down to remove his boots. It felt better having his skin free from the freezing and already stiff cloak but the cold bite on him still left him trembling. He let out a loud, shuddering breath, tossing one boot to the side. Raising his hands again, he studied his skin, blotchy, pink and raw.

Without meaning to he glanced up to see Axel's reaction, embarrassed (or something like that) since he was showing so much weakness. To his dismay, the older Nobody stepped forward and bent down to his eyelevel, reaching forward and gently taking the boot on Roxas' right foot in his hands.

"You alright?" he asked with an expression that confused the boy, eyebrows curved up and lips parted almost as if in – _pity_. Axel kept trying to make eye contact, but Roxas avoided it, despite the fact that the warming green always had the ability to sooth his cold blue. So instead, Axel slowly slid the boot off and placed it on the ground, before opting to remove his own gloves and got rid of them as well. Roxas gave him a look that suggested that he was insane but Axel only ignored it, or perhaps didn't notice it, instead reaching forward and wrapping a hand around Roxas' arm.

"Wh-what are you doing?" the blond asked weakly, sucking in short breaths and trying his best to keep the shudders to a minimum. He was almost about to stubbornly shrug him off, wondering why Axel was treating him like he was some fragile girl who needed to be held and told everything was alright – when he felt warmth seeping into his skin, down to his bones. Finally making eye contact, only to question, Roxas shivered a little because of the opposing temperatures, mixing together and cancelling each other out, unnatural to his body. Axel grinned, but not with the usual arrogance or self-assurance he expressed far too often. This time, it was a little weak, nervous even. Roxas lowered his gaze to where Axel's hand was and sighed a little shakily, not fighting against the fact that his friend was helping him for once.

"Shit, even your lips are turning blue…" Axel breathed in with sharp concern as he placed a hand on the younger Nobody's cheek and leaned forward. Roxas pressed his face into the warmth and met his partner halfway, kissing him softly. It wasn't a surprise to him when Axel didn't protest.

They had kissed before but it hadn't quite become a habit. They hadn't discussed them or the meanings behind each one. The first one had come from curiosity on the clock tower shortly after a mission where they had watched a Prince marry a Princess in Agrabah. That just spawned the rest. It happened every once in a while when they were alone together, a way to say thanks without speaking, a congratulations, a notification that one was impressed with the other. It hadn't gotten much father than making out, a little bit of touching here and there but nothing heavy. For some reason Roxas always cut it off, leaving Axel with a look of longing in his eyes that shouldn't have been there at all.

But this time it was Roxas who was being eager, pulling the redhead as close to his body as he could, feeling the warmth practically emanating off of his form. Axel squeezed the boy's arm harder, letting his eyes slip closed in consent. He began running his hands up and down, warming the blond with the power he was re-born with as Roxas tentatively opened his mouth to let him in. Even Axel's mouth was hot. Everything about the redhead was. He really was true to his element. To think – moments ago he was plunged deep into icy cold water when now instead, he was drowning in the warmth of another man's touch.

Now it was different, more desperate and the kiss wasn't gentle anymore, wasn't hesitant. It was hard and deep, Roxas' fingers tangled in the hair that his arms were wrapped so tightly around. A whimper escaped from his mouth and into Axel's when another rather intense shiver passed through his body. Slightly mortified by it, ashamed by his frailty Roxas shifted to break it off as usual. But the redhead pushed closer, moving his hands to the boys chest and around to his back. Everywhere they traveled, the touch lingered, warm and thawing him out. Roxas did end up pulling back, but only to boldly bury his face into the man's neck, their chests meeting and pressing together. He sucked in a breath and in turn some of the skin of Axel's throat when he felt the heat travel lower on his body.

"R-Rox—" the redhead groaned but was interrupted by his own gasp as the boy bit down on his ear. There was a sudden and searing pain on Roxas' upper exposed hip as Axel lost control, fingers burning into the boy's flesh. With a yelp, the blond pushed him away, hands moving from fiery locks to guard the abused area. He gaped as he saw the skin begin to turn a darker shade of pink than all the rest.

"I'm sorry," Axel breathed immediately, eyes fixed on the same area that the blond's were. He turned his hands over and his gaze flickered to stare at them instead, seeming almost horrified with himself.

"It's fine," Roxas told him straight back, feeling the air turn awkward. He was still unbearably cold, only his chest, back and arms were at a comfortable level. His toes twitched and felt numb, while his hair was still plastered to his head with crystallized water. It was going to take more than kisses and warm touches to return him back to normal, unfortunately. His face definitely felt hot though, not sure why he'd allowed himself to become so adventurous and in result… lost.

Axel stood; clearing his throat, eyes travelling over the younger's body for a moment before stating, "We should get you in a bath. I'm sorry; I should have done that straight away…"

Again, Roxas shooed the man's need to apologize away and slid off the bed to comply. He needed to keep moving, keep things flowing in his body.

They strode the short distance to the bathroom together in silence, Axel turning the faucet and making sure that warm water filled the tub but not hot enough to send the boy into shock from the two extremes. As the blond watched the level of the water grow higher, he rubbed his arms and hoped that Axel couldn't hear his teeth still chattering behind his pursed lips.

Just as he was closing the door to leave, Axel seemed to have second thoughts and turned back. Roxas raised an eyebrow, trying to appear strong despite his condition and the fact that Axel closed the distance between them quicker than the blond could react to it.

"You're goddamn cute when you stutter, you know," he murmured, even though Roxas hadn't said anything recently to warrant that declaration. "I can barely resist you," Axel continued, lips hovering just above Roxas' once more. Another tremble shook the boy and this time he didn't know whether it was from the cold or from the effect that Axel had on him.

"I'll leave new clothes for you by the door," Axel promised before pressing their kiss-bruised lips together quickly. He left without even waiting for a response from the blond.

Roxas let out a short laugh into the otherwise empty room, wondering if all he had to do was stutter in order to get Axel to react like that again. Maybe he would test out some whiney voices when they were alone together next and his hair wasn't frozen to his skin.

The material of his pants had become rigid and they were barely bendable enough to get off of himself. It was no small feat, but somehow Roxas was able to wiggle out of them and step into the tub. He sank into the bath with a low sigh, muscles giving a short spasm to adjust. As he soaked the chill away, thoughts of himself and his redheaded best friend were all that really came to him.

They were more than friends… weren't they?

Axel was weird. He was the only member of the Organization that Roxas saw display a multitude of emotions. He was the only one of them who acted at all like he cared. Like he "cared" about Roxas. To everyone else, Roxas was just "the keyblade's chosen one" or "number XIII". To Axel, he was Roxas, with no title or number tacked on. Roxas didn't understand it. But apparently whatever leftover emotions he had from Sora decided that he liked it. There were only two things he had experienced so far in his non-existence that had given him a thrill. Fighting, and being intimate with Axel.

It really was strange, he thought as he examined the hand mark that had been burned onto him accidentally. Nobodies felt pain. Their bodies, which were supposedly not real, reacted to damage as if to protect them on their journey to _become_ real. If they were truly numb, they would never know when to pull back, when enough was enough and they would easily exert themselves to the point of becoming nothing. That's how it happened for the dusks. They were an easy puppet but had no smarts when it came to looking after themselves. It was as if – Nobodies were created along with the hope that they _would_ each gain a heart someday. They breathed, even though they didn't need to. They would know how when they _did_ need to take that fresh gulp of necessary air. They bled, even though they had no heart to pump the fluid. They ate, they slept. What was really so different about them besides the lack of a steady beat within their chests?

He frowned and slid his body deeper into the tub until his only his head was sticking out from the nose up. They did all of these things as memories of what they once were and for habits they would need once they were whole. But what about Axel? Did Roxas '_need_' him? Roxas felt a strong attachment to the older Nobody, one he didn't have for anyone else. Axel claimed that Roxas was the only one that he liked and secretly the boy thought the same of him. He couldn't lie to himself, he knew that what they did together was like – couples in the worlds they visited. Ones who said that they 'loved' each other.

Nothing was truly real for them – was it? So was this thing with Axel – preparation for what he could have when he obtained a heart? Roxas questioned whether they were just using each other for the thrills, imitations of their past lives, making each other feel – if it was just lust.

In the end when Roxas was wrapping a towel around himself he decided he didn't care, as he shouldn't. He would continue to allow things to keep occurring as they were. There was obviously a point to it all just like everything else.

That night he stayed with Axel, and woke up to the redhead watching him breathe. Roxas changed his mind.

Maybe Axel was – maybe Axel was preparing him for love. They looked out for each other, saved each other's asses in battle, and it would be ridiculous for one to say that Axel didn't care after the way he always treated the boy. The urge to become closer to one another was growing. Just like breathing, would he need Axel when he obtained a heart? Would the feeling and need be obvious, like each cloud-like puff of breath he made in the cold air? Or perhaps it would it be hidden, invisible, such as his exhalations were now. Only the one who cared enough to look would see it, like Axel watching the blond's chest slightly rising and falling as it filled with and expelled air.


End file.
